How Loki Stole Christmas
by kel25
Summary: A twist on Dr. Seuss's "How the Grinch Stole Christmas"


Gather around, Junior Agents, I shall tell you a tale!

One to inspire you without fail!

Listen carefully, and listen well,

How Loki Stole Christmas, is my story to tell

Every Avenger and Agent of SHIELD in Stark Tower liked Christmas a lot

But Loki, who was in hiding, did not.

Loki hated Christmas. The whole Christmas season!

Now, please don't ask why, not one quite knows the reason.

It could be the Hulk smashed him too hard in the fight.

It could be that his helmet was on too tight.

But I think that the most likely reason of all

May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

But whatever the reason his heart or his helmet

He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating Stark's tenets

Staring from his hideout with a bitter, Loki frown

At the warm lighted widows all over the town.

For he knew every Agent and Avenger

Was busy now, partying and not sober.

"And they're having fun!" he snarled with a sneer.

"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"

Then he growled, with his Loki fingers nervously drumming,

"I must find some way to stop Christmas from coming!"

For tomorrow he knew…

…all the Avengers would wake bright and early.

They'd rush for their presents and then! Oh the ripping and squealing and shouting!

That's one thing he hated! All the shouting, shouting, shouting, shouting!

Then the Avengers and Agents would sit down to a feast.

And they'd feast! And they'd feast!

And they'd feast! Feast! Feast! Feast!

The would feast on pudding and a delicacy from the East.

Shwarma was something Loki couldn't stand in the least!

And then they'd do something he liked least of all!

Every Avenger and Agent at Stark's tower would stand close together.

With a little bugging, they'd gather together, and they all would start hugging!

They'd hug! And they'd hug!

And they'd hug, hug, hug, hug!

And the more Loki thought of this Christmas fling,

The more Loki thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"

"Why, for far too long I've put up with this now!

"I must stop this Christmas from coming!

…but how?"

Then he got an idea!

An awful idea!

Loki got a wonderful, awful idea!

"I know just what to do!" Loki laughed in his throat.

And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.

And he chuckled and giggled, "What a great Loki trick!

"With this coat and this hat, I look like Midgardian Saint Nick!"

"All I need is a reindeer…"

Loki glanced around.

But, since it was New York, there was none to be found.

Did that stop Loki…?

No! Loki simply said,

"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"

So he kidnapped poor Barton, and he took his horned helmet

And he plopped it down squarely on top of his head.

Then he loaded some bags

And some old empty boxes

On a stolen truck

And he forced Barton to drive.

Then Loki said, "Let's go!"

And the truck rumbled along

Toward the mighty Stark Tower

Where the Avengers were passed out and gone.

All the windows were dark, no one knew he was there.

Everyone was dreaming sweet dreams without care

When he looked up at Stark's floor

"That is stop number one," Loki Claus hissed

And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.

Then he slid through security. Barton giving him an 'Okay-dokie!'

But, if Santa could do it, then so could Loki.

He almost tripped up, for a moment or two.

Then he poked his head in, feeling quite cool

Where he spied on the bar a giant red bow.

"This bow," he grinned, "is the first thing to go!"

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,

Around the whole room, and he took every present!

And he stuffed them in bags. Then Loki as swift as a minnow,

Threw all the bags, one by one, out the window!

Then he slunk to the kitchen. He took all the food for the armada!

He took all the pudding! He took the prized Shwarma!

He cleaned out that kitchen as quick as the Flash. ("But he's DC!" "Shut up!")

Why, Loki even threw Stark's last bottle in the trash!

Then he deposited all the food to Barton with glee.

"And now!" grinned Loki, "I will drop off the tree!"

And Loki grabbed the tree and he started to tug

When he was grabbed from behind in an uncomfortable bear hug.

Once released he spun around

And was horrified to see Thor gleefully abound.

Loki was shocked by his brother's odd dance

Who was staring at him as if in a trance.

He grinned at Loki and said, "Santy Claus! You're real!

"Man of Iron said you weren't, but you're real!"

But, you know, Loki was so smart and so slick

He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!

"Why, Prince Thor!" the fake Santy Claus lied,

"Of course I'm real, why wouldn't I?

"But you must go back to bed and not tell a soul.

That way I can keep up my important role."

And his fib fooled his brother. Then Loki smiled at him

And he shook Thor's hand and sent him to bed.

And as soon as Thor was back in his room,

Loki went to the window and dropped the tree with a satisfying boom.

Then the last thing he took

Was the CD of a Christmas choir!

Then he slipped into the hall, the old liar.

On the wall he left nothing but hooks and some wire.

And the one speck of food

That he dropped while getting the ham

Was a crumb too small even for Ant Man.

Then he did the same thing

To all the other floors

Leaving crumbs

Much too small

For Ant Man's tiny followers.

It was a quarter past dawn…

All the Agents, still a-bed

All the Avengers, still a-snooze

When he packed up the truck

And they sped off into the dawn

To the river they fled

They stopped at its banks, in order to dump it!

"Ehehheh those fools!" he was joyously humming.

"They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!

"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!"

Barton replied, "They'll chase you around New York

And then Hulk will be up for round two."

"Oh shut up." Loki snarled and then watched the tower.

And he did see some movement in the early morning light.

It started off slow, then it turned out alright.

He stared at the tower

Loki popped his eyes!

Then he shook!

What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every Agent and Avenger gathered outside the hall

Was hugging! Without any presents at all!

He hadn't stopped Christmas from coming!

It came!

Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And Loki, confused by the show,

Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?

"It came without Shwarma! It came without tags!

It came without bows, boxes, or bags!"

And then he puzzled some more till his puzzler was sore.

Then Loki thought of something he hadn't before!

"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.

"Maybe Christmas… perhaps… means a little bit more!"

And what happened then…?

Well… the Avengers all say

That Loki's small heart

Grew three sizes that day!

And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,

He rushed with his load though the bright morning light.

"I brought it all back!" he exclaimed with glee.

"I've changed my ways! Aren't you happy for me?"

The Avengers and Agents weren't quite as amused

By how they- again- fallen for his ruse.

They made him replace everything stolen

And then…

…they smothered him with hugs much to his protest.

While Thor exclaimed, "This Christmas was the best!"

So, Junior Agents, if you see Loki sulking around

Don't run away or threaten that Hulk will beat him to the ground.

Approach him with care, and give him a hug,

To him nothing means more, than that one simple hug.


End file.
